


I Carry Your Heart With Me (I Carry it in My Heart)

by sunnybun



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: College AU, EnglishMajor!Niall, Fratboy!Zayn, I'm so sorry, M/M, They dont actually fuck, Ugh, Zayn and Niall recite poetry at eachother, Zayn sleeps and falls behind in his classes, but they kiss, i really hope that this wasn't like too far off from your prompts, this is my first fic i'm so sorry omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 13:37:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3852778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnybun/pseuds/sunnybun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is the part where you say thank you because we’re going to get you a much needed boyfriend to go along with your essay, you can have study dates in coffee shops and make out under the bleachers at football games, it will be adorable and disgusting.” Louis says, nodding to punctuate his sentence.<br/>“I’m not going to say thank you.” Zayn deadpans, “And you can’t get me a boyfriend in three days, that’s impossible.”<br/>“Romeo and Juliet did it.” Liam says.<br/>Zayn snaps his head around to look at him, “They all died at the end Liam!” He cries and Liam flushes,<br/>“At least there was romance?”<br/>“Oh my god.”<br/>“So it’s settled!” Louis cries, smacking his hand down on the table and knocking over three empty Red Bull cans, “We’re getting Zayn a boyfriend!”<br/>“I hate all of you.”</p><p>Or: Zayn needs help with his homework and his massive crush on Niall and Niall himself is more than willing to help out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Carry Your Heart With Me (I Carry it in My Heart)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pixies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixies/gifts).



> SO Lovely Pixies gave me the prompt:  
> "we always get frat!niall and art-student!zayn but what if there was a uni au with fratboy!zayn and english-major!niall?! that's pretty much the entire prompt i just want a uni au with fratty zayn and very-much-into-literature-niall. maybe niall is zayn's english tutor and it turns out that zayn doesn't really NEED a tutor he just got way behind on the class and he's actually pretty brilliant with books and writing, etc, and niall is impressed."
> 
> OK SO I hope I didn't stray too far from your prompt, obviously I really hope you like it. I'm sorry they don't actually fuck, this is literally my first fic ever and honestly I am not quite comfortable with my ability to write smut yet lmao SO you got some fluffy, silly, ziall with some side larry and liam trying his best, Zayn being a goof and Niall being smooth and intelligent with some misunderstandings all in the middle!!! alright, awesome. let's get on with this now.
> 
> This is not britpicked and it takes place in Berkley, CA and it's almost entirely unbeta-ed so any mistakes are my own i'm so sorry. OH! Nd here are links to the poems I referenced, I shortened them for ease~~
> 
> I Carry Your Heart With Me (I Carry it in My Heart) http://goo.gl/e2pfwE  
> Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town http://goo.gl/LZ3pfc  
> I Like My Body When it is With Your Body http://goo.gl/r2x1O8  
> Beyond The Brittle Towns Asleep http://goo.gl/RLmhk1  
> A Connotation of Infinity http://goo.gl/hqgZg0

_Friday_

 

It’s not that Zayn doesn't like school.

He loves school. He's always loved school.

It was his good grades that got him into Berkley and his home situation that got him almost a full ride. 

It was the monotony of schedules and homework and teachers who would never let you push the boundaries of discussion. He had better things to worry about then memorizing vocabulary words and turning in flash cards and worksheets. He had friends and a job and a gaggle of frat boys to look after who used up more time than he liked to admit.

He loved his friends, of course and his easy going attitude had gotten him into his frat in the first place, he wasn’t the leader– or whatever– per se, but he was the brains. He planned the events, he got everything worked out, planned the parties, booked whatever it is that Liam wanted him to book and he’d been working day in and day out on this event for the 10 year anniversary and it’s honestly not his fault that he’s behind on his work.

It’s not.

Really.

It’s also not his fault that he’d dedicated almost all his spare time to his new xbox one and it was also also not his fault that he’d slacked off to the point where his english teacher AND his history teacher had pulled him aside to say if he didn't pick it up then he wouldn't be passing the class. History had been easy, whip up a few extra credit essays with stunning analysis of the political ins and outs of the 60’s, turn them all in at once with a 50$ Starbucks gift card on top and boom B+. 

English, however, wasn't so easy. He stopped going to discussions because the students in his class couldn't tell irony from satire or metaphors from symbols to save their lives and he couldn't bear to sit through another discussion of The Awakening that involved Edna killing herself for the sake of her husband and children.

After a long discussion with his professor that involved him taking a shit on 1/3 of his curriculum, something that the professor was more impressed at than angry, and allowed Zayn to pick a poet of his choice and write five essays on five different poems.

He needed help, of course, he couldn't do it all on his own with just one mind, he needed another brain to discuss with.

Which brings us here.

“Listen– _Harry_ –“ Zayn snapped, slamming his binder shut, “you can’t just say that e.e. cumming’s serial lack of using capitalization is because he was lazy.”

“They didn't have computers back then, how are you even supposed to capitalize things on a typewriter?” Harry asks, balling up one of the pages of one of Zayn’s rough drafts and throwing it at him. 

He smacks it out of the way and says, “Harry– Honestly– How did you pass?” He asks a bit desperately, grabbing his chewed pencil and pressing his thumbs in the middle of it, almost snapping it in half.

“I participated in discussions and didn't fuck myself at the end of the semester.” Harry says, throwing another balled up piece of paper at Zayn, this one bounces off his forehead and lands in Zayn’s coffee in front of him.

They’re in the house, downstairs in the living room. Books and binders and paper strewn everywhere, abandoned, empty cans of Red Bull littering the floor underneath the coffee table and a few under the couch. Zayn’s minimal hair is pulled into a bun on his head but it’s falling out, tickling the shaved sides of his head. He yanks his glasses off his face and throws them down before putting his head down on the table and letting out a long groan.

“You’re useless.” He grumbles to Harry who pokes him with a pen.

“Then you shouldn’t’ve asked the Biology major to help you with your english homework.” Harry says, using the pen to pull Zayn’s hair out, “Why didn't you ask Louis?”

“You really need to ask me that question?” Zayn mumbles, “Just because you love to have his cock in your mouth all the time doesn't mean that everyone else does too.”

Harry makes some kind of squawking bird noise and he digs his pen into the top of his head, “Shut up!” He cries and Zayn snorts.

“What ‘bout Liam?” Harry asks and Zayn shrugs, “Couldn’t bother him, he’s so busy with the 10 year thing.” He waves his hand vaguely before letting it drop down on the table and tucking his face into the crook of his elbow.

“What about–“ Harry starts then stops, his pen digging into his head again, “What about the bottle blonde? The one who you say is the only one with his head screwed on right in both your english and your history class?”

Zayn’s head snaps up, the pen yanking out of Harry’s hand and getting stuck in his hair, “Louis Tomlinson is a fucking traitor and is not to be trusted!” He cries, picking up his glasses and shoving them on his face. They’re crooked, and the whole world is a little tilted but it doesn't get in the way of Zayn seeing the smug grin on Harry’s face.

“Louis told me that you’ve got quite the crush on that little nerd.” Harry says, wiggling his fingers at Zayn.

“He’s not a nerd!” Zayn cries defensively and then his eyes go wide, he feels his face burning hotter and Harry giggles, “So you DO have a big crush on him. A big– nasty– gross–“

Zayn yanks the pen out of his hair and throws it at Harry and it hits him right in the eye.

Zayn only feels a little bit bad about it.

He’d thought about asking Bottle Blonde Niall for help, he was the person with the highest grade in both of his classes and he usually contributed the best to the discussions. But Zayn was– well– he’d meant to ask before he asked Harry but his words got all jammed up in his throat and he ended up just staring at Niall awkwardly from across the discussion circle before gathering up his stuff in his arms and running out of the room. But you can’t really blame him, Niall is a rosy cheeked cutie and Zayn is terrible with words. That’s something else that isn't his fault.

“You should just ask him. You have like– four days to do this.” Harry says, “Technically three because it’s due on Monday morning, and you have to tie the knots–“

“Tie up loose ends?”

“Yes. That.” Harry says with a wave of his hand, “To tie up loose ends on the 10 year because that’s Monday night too. So you might as well stop wasting your time with me and actually suck it up and ask Niall to help you.” He throws the pen back at Zayn and Zayn grabs it where it clatters off the table and tucks it behind his ear.

The door opens and slams right then and there’s a voice, a terrible, tinny, scratchy, prodding voice yelling, “Are we talking about Niall!?”

“Oh god.” Zayn groans, “Louis no. No. We’re not talking about anything, ever. Nothing. Especially not Niall. No.” 

“So we are talking about our Zaynie’s massive, huge, cock sized crush on Niall.” Louis says, dropping his backpack and text books onto the floor and practically falling down into Harry’s lap.

“No one’s cock is that huge.” Harry says and Louis is about to say something when Liam emerges from the kitchen, a sandwich in his hand.

“Who’s cock are we talking about?” He asks, coming to sit down next to where Zayn is leaning on the couch. He pulls the pen out from behind Zayn's ear and throws it at Louis who catches it and throws it back but it goes too far and falls behind the couch and the wall.

Zayn rolls his head to lean on Liam’s knee and he mumbles, “No one’s cock we’re not talking about anything at all.”

“We are talking about Bottle Blonde Niall.” Louis says, waggling his eyebrows and Liam coos, 

“Zayn’s bottle blonde Niall?” He asks face squishing up with his smile.

“He’s not mine!” Zayn cries, “he’s just– cute! that’s all. I only think he’s cute, its not– anything else.” He looks up at Liam, scowling and Liam just smiles back.

Zayn hates Liam.

“Zayn is going to ask Niall to help him with his essay.” Harry says and Louis oohs loudly, looking over at Zayn and Zayn scowls at him.

Zayn hates Harry.

“I’m not even gonna see him till Monday anyways and I don’t have his number I don’t know what you expect me to do.” Zayn says, “Darn I guess that’s the end of that rope.”

“I’ll see him tomorrow!” Louis says, “In the morning. He’s helping us with the music for the ten year. I’ll bring him by after we’re done.”

Zayn stares at Louis, absolutely dumbfounded at the fact that Louis can continue to betray him at every turn.

Zayn hates Louis.

“This is the part where you say thank you because we’re going to get you a much needed boyfriend to go along with your essay, you can have study dates in coffee shops and make out under the bleachers at football games, it will be adorable and disgusting.” Louis says, nodding to punctuate his sentence.

“I’m not going to say thank you.” Zayn deadpans, “And you can’t get me a boyfriend in three days, that’s impossible.”

“Romeo and Juliet did it.” Liam says.

Zayn snaps his head around to look at him, “They all died at the end Liam!” He cries and Liam flushes,

“At least there was romance?”

“Oh my god.”

“So it’s settled!” Louis cries, smacking his hand down on the table and knocking over three empty Red Bull cans, “We’re getting Zayn a boyfriend!”

“I hate all of you.”

_Saturday_

 

Zayn ended up staying awake for what seemed like forever that night and he only just finished analyzing _anyone lived in a pretty how town_ and started _i will wade out_ when he fell asleep on his copy of the notes. 

He wakes to a loud banging on his door and flinches, lets out a loud groan and tucks his face into his arm. His back and neck are sore from sleeping like this for– how long has it been?

He lifts his head and blinks into the sunlight filtering through his blinds and peels the piece of paper that’s stuck to his face off. He blinks at his clock, the red letters reading “10:42 AM” and he groans again, pinching the bridge of his nose. There’s banging again and then Louis’ voice along with another voice his sleepy mind doesn't recognize.

“Hold on!!” He yells, “Jesus christ.” he pushes back from his desk, fumbling for his glasses and putting them on. He grabs a pair of sweats and hastily pulls them on, leaving them sitting low around his hips. He fixes the worn Captain America shirt he’s wearing and pulls the door open, expecting to find Louis’ horrible mug but instead–

Instead.

A very wide eyed, very blonde haired, blue eyed, fresh looking boy is standing there. His mouth hanging open a bit, a backpack over his shoulder, “Uh– I didn’t– I wasn't the one who knocked.” He says, “Louis– It was Louis and then he just took off? I’m sorry. I didn’t–“

Niall fumbles over his words for a minute longer before Zayn finally snaps out of it and rushes out, “It’s okay!” His voice is still rough with sleep, “It’s ok, fucking asshole, where’d he go?”

Niall steps back and points down the hallway, “Harry’s room I think.”

Zayn makes a quiet noise and contemplates going after him but decides he’ll get him later, switch out his apple juice for vinegar or something, “Alright, I’ll get him later. Uhm– What–“

“I told him not to just leave me standing here but of course he did,” Niall glares down the hallway and then looks back at Zayn, “I’m supposed to help you study. e.e. cummings right?” He asks, a smile spreading onto his face and Zayn finds himself flushing again, hoping it doesn't show as much as he thinks it does.

“Uh- y-yeah,” Zayn nods, “Yeah, I just need some help with the analysis, just like– another brain, you know? And you’re like– the second most competent in the class.” 

“Second?” Niall asks, frowning a bit, “Who’s first?”

Zayn flushes and stutters, “I– Uh– I don’t know. I was just – uh– saying I guess.” He laughs nervously then says, “Here probably isn’t the best place to get anything done do you wanna like–“

“I know a place we can go.” Niall says, smiling again, “Nice and calm. No Louis Tomlinsons for miles.”

“Do you have a car?”

“I was just– Figure of speech?”

“Oh.”

There’s a silence between them that stretches across the vast expanses of California.

“So–“

“I’ll get dressed.” Zayn says quickly, practically slamming the door in Niall’s face. He flinches, yells, “Sorry!”

Niall’s muffled laugh comes through the door and he says, “It’s okay! I’ll meet you downstairs, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Zayn echoes, running over to his closet and stripping off is clothes.

He’s such an idiot, why isn't he better at social situations? Why does he have to act like a school kid in front of his crush, blushing and stumbling over his words. He’s 22 years old, you would think that he could get his shit together.

He finds a clean pair of jeans and pulls them on and then goes for a shirt, it’s cold outside, middle of December and all so he just grabs a Berkley sweater, yanking it off the clothing rack so hard the hangar comes off with it and hits him right in the eye.

He yelps and drops the sweater, holding his eye immediately and running to his small bathroom.

He’s blinded himself.

He has a date– no. They’re studying. He has a Study Thing with Niall and he’s blinded himself.

A blind in one eye 22 year old.

“Have you always been blind?”

“No, I hit myself in the face with a hangar.”

Obviously he’s not blind but his eye is red and it hurts, but it’s nothing horrible. He huffs and fixes his hair while he’s in there, just runs his hands through it and then he’s rushing back out to grab his sweater.

He gathers everything up, grabbing his computer off the table but the charging cord gets caught and sends everything falling off of it, pencils, papers, notebooks all falling onto the floor. He stands there for a moment, wondering why he’s cursed today and thinks about cleaning it up but then he remembers Niall is downstairs so he just leaves it, shoves everything into his backpack and runs out his door. 

He runs into Louis on the way down and twists his nipple hard enough to bruise, cursing him under his breath and Louis whines and runs to Harry, yelling something that Zayn doesn't catch as he takes the steps down.

He’s so excited he misses a step.

His heel doesn't hit the next step right either and he starts to fall.

He panics hard, arms flailing out to grab onto whatever the closest thing is.

It’s fabric, a shoulder, his eyes squeeze shut as he falls onto whatever he’s grabbed onto.

He expects pain, the hard floor.

When it doesn't come he takes a deep breath and is met with the smell of– fresh cut grass?

He opens his eyes and looks up to see Niall’s bewildered and concerned expression looking down at him.

“Are you okay?!” He cries and Zayn gasps quietly.

He’s living in a nightmare.

“OH my god ZAYN!” Louis cries as Niall helps him steady himself, his hands resting on Zayn’s sides and Zayn’s hands are on his shoulders and Zayn is so embarassed.

“I’m so sorry.” Zayn rushes out, taking his hands off Niall and backing up. Niall keeps his hand on the small of Zayn’s back, making sure he doesn't fall over again, “I’m so so sorry, I was just rushing, I wasn't paying attention–“

“Did you twist anything?” Niall asks.

Zayn shakes his head and says, “No! No I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

“How convenient Niall was there to catch you when you fell.” Louis says. Zayn doesn't even need to see him to know the look he has on his face, he can hear it in his tone. Zayn’s going to put eggs in Louis’ shoes.

“Lets go.” Zayn says, “I’m fine, I’m sorry, lets go.” He looks at Niall pleadingly and Niall nods, smiling wide and letting Zayn lead him out of the house.

Niall is snickering by the time they get out and Zayn turns to glare at him, huffing as he fixes his hair, “What?”

“You should’ve seen your face.” Niall says, hiding his smile behind his hand, “Ridiculous.” 

“I thought I was gonna die!” Zayn cries, turning when Niall does and heading down the street.

Niall snorts and says, “you weren’t even gonna fall that far!” He cries, his laughter bubbling up, “You were like– a foot from  the ground when I caught you.”

“So you almost didn't catch me??” Zayn cries and Niall laughs louder. This isn't funny, it’s not, at least that’s what Zayn’s telling himself, even as a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth and spreads across his face, little giggles bubbling out along with Niall’s.

He shoves the other boy playfully and Niall shoves him back, his cheeks flushed with his laughter, “Fuckin’ hilarious.” Niall says, pulling some ridiculous face that Zayn thinks is supposed to be what he looked like.

Zayn should be offended but he just laughs harder, pushing Niall again and crying, “Shut up oh my god!!”

They’re still laughing about it, now arguing what Niall would look like if he fell down the stairs when they come into the little coffee shop. 

The girl behind the counter greets Niall by his first name and Niall smiles, waves back and says through his laughter, “The usual please, El.” She nods and then looks at Zayn.

“Oh– uh–“

“A black coffee with room.” Niall answers for him, grabbing the sleeve of his sweater and tugging him to the back corner.

“How do you know what I like to drink?” Zayn asks, frowning at Niall as they sit.

“You bring the same thing into class every week,” Niall says, “It’s written on the cup.” 

Zayn flushes and says softly, “Oh.” He didn't think Niall noticed that, or that he was paying that close of attention.

“So how come you need help?” Niall asks, pulling his computer out. The lid of it is covered in what Zayn thinks are stickers for sports teams, he recognizes some because of Louis but the rest are lost on him.

“Just fell behind.” Zayn says, shrugging and settling back in his seat. It’s like– his default to pretend he doesn't care as much as he does and he finds himself a little embarrassed that he automatically did it with Niall.

“You stopped participating in the discussions,” Niall says, “left me to deal with the stooges in our class.” Niall says, his eyes flicking from his computer to Zayn.

His hair is out of place, Zayn wants to run his hands through it and smooth it out. He swallows a bit, tearing his eyes away from Niall and saying, “Yeah– Like– it’s just too hard, no one wants to have a discussion they just want to like– say what it is. They never wanna push back the surface into what it means, you know? What it meant then and what it meant today. Does it still apply, is what used to be progressive archaic now or was the author so far ahead of their time that it still pertains to society today. It’s important, you know? But like– no one ever wants to do that, they just wanna point out what’s a metaphor and a symbol and move on, just answer the questions and get out of class but like– not figure out what it’s really _about._ ” When Zayn’s just greeted with silence he realizes he was ranting a little bit and he flushes, looking to Niall and saying, “Sorry. I get a little like– carried away sometimes. The boys make fun of me for it.”

Niall starts to smile and for a second Zayn’s afraid he might make fun of him but instead, “No, don’t apologize. I know what you mean, my roommate always yells at me ‘cuz he thinks I’m taking things too far but like– I don’t think he’s taking them far enough, can’t just look at the world on the page you have to apply it to the world around you too.”

Zayn’s heart skips a couple beats and his stomach does this weird tighten and swooping and butterfly thing. Niall’s still talking, just going on about their class and Zayn leans forward, watching his lips and his facial expression, the way his blue eyes sparkle a little bit as he gets more passionate and he starts waving his hands around. Zayn leans his chin on his hand, hides his mouth behind his knuckles and bites his lip to keep himself from smiling because it feels like his crush for Niall is forcing it’s way onto his face.

The barista girl brings their drinks, tells Niall not to bore Zayn too much with all his literary talk and all Zayn can think of is some terrible pun about ‘talk literary to me’. He’s still staring at Niall, analyzing all his little moles and his cute uneven jaw and the way his hair is growing out dark brunette at the roots and Zayn wonders what it would look like laced between his fingers, fisted in his hand when he pulls Niall’s head back–

“So why e.e. cummings?”

“What?” Zayn jumps, saying it a little too loud and getting a glare from the girl at the next table who looks like she’s on her fourth cup of coffee.

“Why e.e. cummings?” Niall asks again, smiling at Zayn a little fondly as he hands him his coffee and the half and half that the barista must’ve brought over for him.

“How did you know I like creamer and not sugar?” Zayn asks, taking it and praying he’s not as red as he feels.

“Because that one day you were gesticulating about Lolita and you knocked your coffee off your desk.” Niall answers simply and Zayn swallows, smiling a little bit and placing the half and half down,

“You’re observant.” Zayn says, looking up at Niall.

“No, I just pay attention to you.” Niall answers, smirking and Zayn goes a bit wide eyed before recovering and clearing his throat,

“Well I chose e.e. cummings because he’s one of my favorite poets. I did a project on him in high school once and taught the whole class about him–“

“Which poem?” Niall asks.

“Oh– uh–  _i like my body when it’s–_ “

“i like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing. Muscles better and nerves more,” Niall interrupts, smiling and Zayn flushes, forgetting all his words for a moment but he’s glad Niall fills the silence, “It’s one of my favorites, I love how he takes his poetry and makes it sensual,” He’s tracing his finger around the rim of his coffee cup that actually has his name written on it, “you know?”

Zayn nods dumbly, his eyes flicking between Niall’s hands and Niall’s face. He has this smug look on, like he knows just what he’s doing to Zayn.

This is– a wild ride. And not what Zayn was expecting.

“What did– Did Louis uh– tell you anything?” Zayn asks, praying Louis didn't spill his big secret and that this isn't a ploy to try and embarrass Zayn.

“Might’a.” Niall says, “Why? What would he have to tell me?” He asks, leaning forward a bit and resting his chin on his computer.

Zayn chuckles nervously, his hand gripping his coffee cup tighter, “I– I don’t know.”

“Oh really?” Niall asks and Zayn nods dumbly.

“Hm,” Niall says, leaning back in his chair, “So you wanna get started?”

Zayn manages to hold onto himself for the rest of the time, he still gets caught off guard by some of Niall’s flirting, Zayn isn’t as smooth as he is and he gets flustered easily. Niall just laughs softly at him, not at him in a bad way just– almost fond.

They only get through one poem, _i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart),_ because their discussion probably goes too in depth, Niall keeps giving Zayn these looks when he recites the poem, “I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.” 

Zayn tries to keep his voice even when he recites back, “I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet, I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true, and its you are whatever a moon has always meant, and whatever a sun will always sing is you.” 

Zayn can tell Niall’s not trying to smile when he recites the last stanza, “Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide, and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.”

Zayn has an entire essay written by the end, and he has this warmth sitting in his belly and he catches Niall staring at him more than once when it goes quiet and Zayn’s typing his essay using the notes they've taken, and he starts to think he’s not trying to be sly about it.

“So I have to tell you,” Niall says as they’re walking out of the coffee shop.

“Hm?” Zayn asks, turning to look at him, pulling his sweater over his hands because it’s gotten colder out, the sky looks like it’s threatening to unleash a downpour at any minute and Zayn doesn't want Niall to get stuck in it on the way home so he waves him along.

They fall into step beside each other and Niall says, “Louis didn’t actually ask me to help you,” Niall says

Zayn frowns a bit, “he didn't ask you this morning?” he asks, looking over at Niall.

“No, I offered before he could ask.” Niall says, “He said you were working on the essay so I said I’d come back with him and help you.”

“Oh.” Zayn says, “Uhm, okay?”

“Do you know why?”

“Because you have a good heart and you like to help out lazy and struggling students.”

Niall snorts and bumps his shoulder against Zayn’s and Zayn bumps him back as if it’s habit. 

“No, it’s because I like you.” Niall answers simply and Zayn almost trips over his own two feet.

He’d kind of gotten that by Niall’s actions all day but– hearing him say it out loud was a completely different thing.

“Oh.” Zayn mumbles quietly, keeping his eyes trained ahead of them and then up at the sky and then down, anywhere but Niall really.

“So…” Niall starts, “Do you like– like me too?” He asks, Zayn hears the first threads of insecurity in his voice and he looks over at Niall.

“Uhm,” Zayn starts, “I mean–“ He sucks in a quiet breath, trying to decide what to settle on. He knows it’s not “yes I’ve had a massive crush on you for 15 weeks please date me”, and he knows it’s not “maybe I’m borderline in love with you” so he settles on, “I mean– yeah.” and nods.

Niall breaks into a smile and Zayn smiles back, he’d like to make Niall smile like that for the rest of his whole life.

“Wanna meet tomorrow, same place? I have work until 2.” Niall asks and Zayn nods, he’s smiling like an idiot now.

He nods, “Yeah, sounds great, Niall.” he says.

Niall stops walking all of a sudden and says, “I have to go this way, but I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Zayn nods excitedly, “Yeah! Like– three?” He asks and Niall nods, leaning in towards Zayn suddenly and leaving a kiss on his cheek.

“See you tomorrow. Don’t fall before you get there, I won’t be there to catch you.” Niall says, walking backwards and promptly turning around before Zayn can say anything.

 

_Sunday_

 

Zayn shows up early, orders what they ordered yesterday and sits in the same spot, his knees tucked up to his chest as he cups his coffee in his hands, looking up every time the door opens.

It’s 10 after three and Niall hasn’t showed up yet but it’s raining so Zayn figures maybe he got held up because of that, probably took the bus instead of walking.

20 after three and he still hasn't showed up and Zayn realizes he never got Niall’s number and Louis might have it, but then he remembers Louis dropped his phone in the toilet last week and his new phone had yet to come in.

45 minutes later Zayn gathers up his things and walks out, leaving Niall’s no longer steaming cup of coffee on the table, entirely full.

He walks home in the rain, his umbrella gets turned inside out by the wind so he abandons it and by the time he walks in the front door he’s soaked. Liam is just walking by with a cup of coffee when he slams the door.

“You’re home early,” Liam says, “What– why are you all wet?”

“Because my fucking umbrella turned inside out!” Zayn snaps, shrugging off his backpack and his wet jacket, leaving them both piled in the front hallway, not even caring that the water will leave stains on the hardwood.

“Why didn't you take the bus?” Liam asks.

“Because I spent my last 10 on fucking drinks.” Zayn snaps again, pushing by Liam into the kitchen.

“Zayn what’s wrong? Did your date with Niall not go well?” Liam asks, rushing into the kitchen after him and bumping him out of the way of the Keurig because he’s mishandling it in his anger.

Zayn doesn't say anything, just jumps on the counter and pulls his wet boots off along with his socks.

“Zayn what happened?”

“He stood me up!” Zayn snaps, “he didn't fucking show I waited around for almost an hour and a half and he didn't fucking show!” 

“You didn't get his number?” Liam asks.

“No! I was so– caught up that I forgot. And I couldn’t get it from Louis because he doesn't even _have_ a phone!” Zayn yells, gesturing up towards the ceiling before letting his hand fall down to his knee and he drops his head into it, mumbling, “I was stupid. I shouldn’t have set up anything, he just fucked me over.”

“Oh Zayn no.” Liam coos, putting the cup down and taking Zayn’s face in his hands, “Hey now,” He says softly, “don’t say that.”

“He just felt bad for me, Liam.” Zayn says, “Just– just helped me because he felt bad for me, he didn't actually like me.”

“Zee–“

Zayn smacks Liam’s hands away and jumps off the counter, grabbing his shoes and frantically scrubbing at his eyes to try and prevent his tears from falling. He feels stupid and he wants to get in bed and never get up again and never see another e.e. cummings poem again. Liam is calling for him but he ignores him, just heads up the stairs to his room.

He runs into Louis coming out of Harry’s room, he looks flushed and his eyes are dilated and he reeks of sex and it’s like an offense to Zayn so he quickly side steps him and practically runs into his room, ignoring Louis’ calls and even locking the door behind him.

He strips and climbs into bed, the warm and dry covers welcoming him in like an old familiar friend and he blocks out everything for a few hours.

 

He has texts when he wakes up, from Harry and Liam that there’s pizza for him when he’s ready but he isn't hungry. Instead he writes his last essays, rips apart _a connotation of infinity_ and _beyond the brittle towns asleep_ before climbing back into bed around 4 AM and falling asleep until his alarm goes off at 7 the next morning.

 

_Monday_

 

He turns in his essays and leaves.

He was the first one in class and he left them on the teacher’s desk before promptly turning around and walking out. 

He absorbs himself in the anniversary for the rest of the day.

They got permission to rent out a roller rink in the area and they’re throwing a massive party there. He’s on the phone with everyone all day, avoiding questions about Niall and he works setting everything up until people start trickling in.

Louis presses a drink into his hand and takes his phone away, saying, “Have fun now. You did all this work, enjoy it.”

Zayn offers him a smile then but when he’s gone it falls. He’s tired now, he wants to go home and go to bed. He’s done what he needed to and now he’s exhausted. But he won’t leave, stays because he loves the look on Liam’s face when everyone says what a great time they’re having, rolls his eyes at Louis and Harry skating around together, hands clasped tightly together, their love lighting up their faces, but it warms his heart nonetheless.

A few hours and a couple beers later he steps outside to have a cigarette, he’s fighting to get one out of the pack and doesn't realize how close the curb is to him and he trips right off of it, letting out a yelp as he starts to go down.

He braces himself but he just falls into someone, arms wrapping around him tight and holding on tighter than he thinks is appropriate for a stranger but then he smells it, fresh cut grass and sunshine and carmel macchiatos and _i carry your heart with me_. 

Zayn jerks back but Niall holds onto him tighter, “Wait! Wait don’t–“

Zayn worms out of his arms, stumbling over the curb and falling onto his ass but they’re all tangled up and Niall goes falling down with him, landing onto of Zayn, his face going into his neck.

“What the fuck!?” Zayn yells as Niall scrambles to sit up, just ends up sitting in Zayn’s lap, his hands pressed against his chest, their faces close.

Zayn’s heart is hammering in his chest and he’s not sure if it’s because he’s angry or embarrassed or something even worse.

“I’m sorry!” Niall blurts out, “Not– not just for this.” He holds Zayn’s shirt tighter, his eyes pleading down at Zayn, “I got caught up at work, it was raining so hard and I work at a kennel and one of the buildings flooded and we had to get all the animals out and I dropped my phone in the water and I couldn't call you–“

“You had my number?”

“Louis gave it to me.” Niall answers, “But I’m sorry, I came but El said you’d left and I wanted to go by the house but I had class and you probably think I stood you up but I didn’t! I didn’t I promise, Zayn, I’m so sorry and if you would just give me another chance I swear I’ll make it up to you.”

“I used my last ten dollars to buy us drinks.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“My umbrella turned inside out and my docs got ruined walking home.”

“I’ll buy you new ones.”

“You broke my heart, a little bit, to be honest.”

“I know. I should've been more careful, I should've at least called the shop to get El to tell you, I’m so sorry, Zayn. Please forgive me, please give me another chance.” Niall begs, his hands flattening on Zayn’s chest, “I really like you, like– a horrible crush and I want to read poetry to you for the rest of my life and listen to you get angry about feminist prose that’s misinterpreted and watch you giggle behind your hand at my terrible jokes and I want to kiss you until you can’t breathe anymore and I just want another chance, please, Zayn.”

Zayn sucks in a breath as Niall’s hands slide up his chest to rest on the side of his neck. Zayn tips his chin up to look at Niall better, the pleading expression on his face. The moon behind him is making his hair look like a halo. He’s wearing a stripped shirt with this cute denim jacket and he’s straddling Zayn’s hips and he’s so warm pressed against him through their clothes and–

Zayn leans up and kisses him, something in him just pushes him forward and he presses his lips against Niall’s. They’re soft against Zayn’s chapped ones and he tastes like vanilla ice cream when he licks into Zayn’s mouth. Zayn sits up a bit more, wraps his arms around Niall, holds onto his soft shirt and ticks his head to the right to get a better angle.

Niall lets out this shuddering moan when Zayn sucks on his tongue a bit and Zayn feels his cock twitch in his jeans and he tightens his hands in Niall’s shirt.

When they pull apart Niall lets out this quiet whine that makes Zayn chuckle. Niall coaxes him into  few more kisses but then Zayn pulls back, blinking his eyes open to look up at Niall who’s staring down at him.

“I carry your heart with me,” Niall whispers, placing his hands on Zayn’s face

Zayn laughs, turning to kiss Niall’s palm, “I carry you in it.” He echoes and Niall smiles, leaning down to kiss the corner of Zayn’s mouth before pressing his lips against Zayn’s.

**Author's Note:**

> well there we go!!!! I really hope you enjoyed it!!  
> 


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